Sometimes at night when the house is dark and quiet. When the boys are sleeping. When Mark is at work. I go into Grace's room. She is not quiet, nor is she asleep. She is usually screaming or screeching or singing or banging her feet in her crib or standing up to slap the polka dots on her wall that her dad and I lovingly painted, or something else that creates quite a racket.
So I creep into her room and gently let my presence be known. I say her name quietly, since she doesn't notice me enter without my voice calling to her. I go to her crib and, in the dark, try to determine where she is and just what she is doing. She usually quiets down as I put the crib rail down and fix her pillow and blankets. This is her signal that I am going to pick her up and get her out of bed.
Sometimes at night, she lets me hold her in my arms. Some nights, the constant flapping of her arms ceases and the insescent mouth noises end. Some nights, she allows me to hold her in my arms and she seeks comfort from my warmth. I cuddle her body, warm and snuggly from bed and in her soft pjs, to my body. Sometimes, she lets me hold her with our faces pressed against each other and her little arms around my neck, squeezing ever so gently. Sometimes, she lets me hold her with her back to my front and my face on her hair.
When she is finally still, when her damaged brain has finally let go and allowed her body to rest, it brings tears to my eyes.
Sometimes, the tears from the strain of a long day remain unshed. Sometimes, the love in my heart and the disappointment in my head collide and the tears spill over onto her hair. Tears of pain that rarely see the light of day or last very long.
But usually at night, when she lets me hold her and comfort her, the tears spilling onto her hair are an overflowing my love and joy. Tears of a love so strong it can't be described or contained in mere words on a page. Tears of thankfulness that we have been given this incredible little girl to take care of and love while here on earth.
Always at night, I thank God for grace. My daughter Grace and His grace, His unmerited blessing and favor given as a gift to all of us.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
our week so far
Or the other title I wanted to use but was too long: My snow shoveling muscles hurt and I can't remember what day it is today.
Our school district had a teacher in service day on Tuesday, which meant we were scheduled to have back to back 4 day weeks of school. Which is fine for me because a) I don't work outside the house and b) I enjoy having my kids home with me. So on Tuesday Luke, John and I went to Luke's gym class at our health club. John was allowed to play his DSi for the entire hour so I could talk to my friends. I randomly signed Luke up for this class and have been really blessed to get to know two women from our church a lot better due to our 'therapy sessions' in the hall. After gym glass, since Mark was working from home and could get Grace off her van, the boys swam in the pool and Iread my book watched them.
When we got home, I read Grace's daily report from school and they circled 'fussy' and wrote very next too it. Which is concerning because Grace is never fussy at school, okay maybe once before, but not often. She has never been very fussy. Additionally, she did not eat breakfast or lunch. I knew that meant she was fighting something, typically a head cold that causes her throat to hurt and a stuffy nose.
The weather forcaster people were calling for ice, then sleet, then rain and finally snow for Wednesday night into Thursday. We were pretty sure if all this stuff came, we would have at least a 2 hour delay. Well, they got it all wrong and we woke up to about 6 inches of snow Wednesday and no school. The boys were pumped.
The boys wanted to go play in the snow and I decided to shovel the driveway, so Mark could get his car out later to go deliver Formula II (shameless plug for THE best over the counter, all purpose skin care cream on the market. And it was developed by a really cute pharmacist!). I did not realize what I was getting myself into and 2 hours later finished the driveway. The boys had fun playing while I shoveled and they each built a snowman. Which I'm sure, if analyzed by a professional, would tell us something about their personalities or future careers.
Here is John's snowman, we got a kit from our neighbors that included all the stuff you need to build a snowman (the hat, mittens, pipe, eyes, and mouth) and he used it all.
Grace was definitely fighting something because did not eat or drink anything for almost 24 hours. I was starting to get concerned when her diaper was dry in the morning (about 14 hours). However, her brothers knocked her down shortly after I decided to worry and she cried tears, so we knew she wasn't completely dehydrated. She also did start eating after that and acting like herself again.
The forecast for today was for either 6-10 or 4-8 more inches of snow after a period of sleet. Well, that got it right because once the sleet turned over to snow it started accumulating again. We woke up this morning to John saying 'dad the electricity is out'. It went out about 4:30ish and John never did go back to sleep. Poor thing is terrified of the dark and the fire alarm. We also woke up to about 10-12 more inches of snow, of course since we had no power we couldn't watch the news to find out the exact amount.
Our power finally came back on about noon. I was just starting to think about plan B since the power company recording stated we may not get power back until 6:00pm. Thankfully, we were nice and warm the rest of the day. So now my snow shoveling muscles ache and I can't believe it is Friday tomorrow because this has felt like a weekend to me. John is praying for more snow tomorrow so he can stay home again. I wouldn't mind more snow but I am done with shoveling it for a while now...
Our school district had a teacher in service day on Tuesday, which meant we were scheduled to have back to back 4 day weeks of school. Which is fine for me because a) I don't work outside the house and b) I enjoy having my kids home with me. So on Tuesday Luke, John and I went to Luke's gym class at our health club. John was allowed to play his DSi for the entire hour so I could talk to my friends. I randomly signed Luke up for this class and have been really blessed to get to know two women from our church a lot better due to our 'therapy sessions' in the hall. After gym glass, since Mark was working from home and could get Grace off her van, the boys swam in the pool and I
When we got home, I read Grace's daily report from school and they circled 'fussy' and wrote very next too it. Which is concerning because Grace is never fussy at school, okay maybe once before, but not often. She has never been very fussy. Additionally, she did not eat breakfast or lunch. I knew that meant she was fighting something, typically a head cold that causes her throat to hurt and a stuffy nose.
The weather forcaster people were calling for ice, then sleet, then rain and finally snow for Wednesday night into Thursday. We were pretty sure if all this stuff came, we would have at least a 2 hour delay. Well, they got it all wrong and we woke up to about 6 inches of snow Wednesday and no school. The boys were pumped.
The boys wanted to go play in the snow and I decided to shovel the driveway, so Mark could get his car out later to go deliver Formula II (shameless plug for THE best over the counter, all purpose skin care cream on the market. And it was developed by a really cute pharmacist!). I did not realize what I was getting myself into and 2 hours later finished the driveway. The boys had fun playing while I shoveled and they each built a snowman. Which I'm sure, if analyzed by a professional, would tell us something about their personalities or future careers.
Luke built his snowman on a patio chair, I have no idea why but it's cute...
Kinda like he is;
Here is John's snowman, we got a kit from our neighbors that included all the stuff you need to build a snowman (the hat, mittens, pipe, eyes, and mouth) and he used it all.
So after lunch we just hung out watching movies and doing lots of this,
Grace was definitely fighting something because did not eat or drink anything for almost 24 hours. I was starting to get concerned when her diaper was dry in the morning (about 14 hours). However, her brothers knocked her down shortly after I decided to worry and she cried tears, so we knew she wasn't completely dehydrated. She also did start eating after that and acting like herself again.
The forecast for today was for either 6-10 or 4-8 more inches of snow after a period of sleet. Well, that got it right because once the sleet turned over to snow it started accumulating again. We woke up this morning to John saying 'dad the electricity is out'. It went out about 4:30ish and John never did go back to sleep. Poor thing is terrified of the dark and the fire alarm. We also woke up to about 10-12 more inches of snow, of course since we had no power we couldn't watch the news to find out the exact amount.
It was really pretty to see all the snow. This is the view out my back window.
You can see just how much snow we got. But it was so much heavier than yesterdays snow.
John built himself a snow chair and watched us shovel. I almost asked him how that was going to free slaves for IJM, but then our neighbor came over to help us. Because I clearly wasn't pulling my weight today, but my snow shoveling muscles were really hurting...
And Luke just ate the snow and climbed up the huge piles of snow so he could jump off them.
Grace was very warm in her new to her snowsuit and walked around supervising for hours.
Our power finally came back on about noon. I was just starting to think about plan B since the power company recording stated we may not get power back until 6:00pm. Thankfully, we were nice and warm the rest of the day. So now my snow shoveling muscles ache and I can't believe it is Friday tomorrow because this has felt like a weekend to me. John is praying for more snow tomorrow so he can stay home again. I wouldn't mind more snow but I am done with shoveling it for a while now...
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
so much help
Last week we had a little bit of snow on Friday. It resulted in a 2 hour delay for schools but was not much snow in total. Which could sum up our winter storms so far, a little bit of snow or ice that causes initial delays but doesn't amount to much.
We were expecting Mark's parents and the other party guests on Saturday so I told John I would pay him $2.00 if he shoveled our walk. He agreed and actually did a really good job shoveling. He has always been a worker but now that he understands that money buys stuff and he wants stuff, he is more willing to work than ever.
Here is my helper and his side kick, whom doesn't really help shovel as much as he clears the snow by eating as much as he can.
When I went to pay John his $2.00, he said he wanted to donate it to IJM. IJM stands for International Justice Mission, it is an organization that John's Sunday school class is raising money to support. From their website;
International Justice Mission is a human rights agency that secures justice for victims of slavery, sexual exploitation and other forms of violent oppression. IJM lawyers, investigators and aftercare professionals work with local officials to ensure immediate victim rescue and aftercare, to prosecute perpetrators and to promote functioning public justice systems.
In John's words; IJM frees slaves. It works to give kids like me their freedom back so they don't have to work for people who don't pay them and treat them really badly.
All I could say through my tears was 'Bless your heart'. What a sweet and helpful boy we have.
We were expecting Mark's parents and the other party guests on Saturday so I told John I would pay him $2.00 if he shoveled our walk. He agreed and actually did a really good job shoveling. He has always been a worker but now that he understands that money buys stuff and he wants stuff, he is more willing to work than ever.
Here is my helper and his side kick, whom doesn't really help shovel as much as he clears the snow by eating as much as he can.
When I went to pay John his $2.00, he said he wanted to donate it to IJM. IJM stands for International Justice Mission, it is an organization that John's Sunday school class is raising money to support. From their website;
International Justice Mission is a human rights agency that secures justice for victims of slavery, sexual exploitation and other forms of violent oppression. IJM lawyers, investigators and aftercare professionals work with local officials to ensure immediate victim rescue and aftercare, to prosecute perpetrators and to promote functioning public justice systems.
In John's words; IJM frees slaves. It works to give kids like me their freedom back so they don't have to work for people who don't pay them and treat them really badly.
All I could say through my tears was 'Bless your heart'. What a sweet and helpful boy we have.
Monday, January 24, 2011
birthday weekend / party fun!
All three of our kids have winter birthdays. Luke starts our New Year off with a birthday, followed a few weeks later by Grace's birthday on the 19th and then John's birthday is February 9th. That is a whole lot of birthdays in a short period of time, especially since they start a week after Christmas. So, we do one family birthday party for all three birthdays.
Mark's parents drive up or over depending on how geographically correct you are from West Virginia and spend a long weekend with us. The kids just love having his parents here! They came up last year for the birthday party but we had a blizzard and no one could make it to our house. We were praying that that wouldn't happen again this year.
Mark's parents drive up or over depending on how geographically correct you are from West Virginia and spend a long weekend with us. The kids just love having his parents here! They came up last year for the birthday party but we had a blizzard and no one could make it to our house. We were praying that that wouldn't happen again this year.
We had an abundance of presents for the kids. This is the last picture I took that turned out until it was time for dessert. After it was all over, Mark and I looked at each other and said, we should have video taped the party. Well, maybe next year...
We had cousins to play with and eat desserts with
And nephew's to bite hold and kiss
Seriously, Colin could not be any cuter. And I really think I heard him say that I was his favorite, really...
I channeled my inner baker and made Amanda's crack sugar cookies and decorated them with the kid's ages. I did not have time to outline, flood and then pipe the numbers so I wasn't as happy with the results as I could have been but they still tasted awesome. Thank God they are almost gone!
Here is Mark's mom with his cousin John, he is the one who introduced us (we met on a blind date).
The kids had a great weekend. They stayed up too late, ate too many sweets, got too many presents and generally had the perfect weekend.
Friday, January 21, 2011
times like these
We frequently have visitors at our table. When snack time rolls around, I'm never sure how many will be seated at my table. I can be heard saying that all are welcome.
I pray that these are time times my boys, my precious children, remember. The times that mommy said yes to stuffed animal friends at snack time, and even set out plates and food for the 'guests'. The times that mommy played along with their silliness instead of following 'the rules'.
Instead of the times I was short tempered, or too busy, or on my computer, or yelled at them to stop {gasp} acting like children and do xyz task.
Because, I know that when I look back on my children's childhood I will remember the times like these with longing and wish that they still invited stuffed animals to snack time.
Be they big or small, furry or soft, stuffed or plastic.
We have an all are welcome policy at our table.
I pray that these are time times my boys, my precious children, remember. The times that mommy said yes to stuffed animal friends at snack time, and even set out plates and food for the 'guests'. The times that mommy played along with their silliness instead of following 'the rules'.
Instead of the times I was short tempered, or too busy, or on my computer, or yelled at them to stop {gasp} acting like children and do xyz task.
Because, I know that when I look back on my children's childhood I will remember the times like these with longing and wish that they still invited stuffed animals to snack time.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
happy birthday grace!
Today our sweet girl turns 4!!
Here she is posing in her super cute outfit from T@rget. I love their clothes for girls.
It is hard to believe that another year has passed. Last year her birthday was not a good day or week for me. It came so close to her going to school and was filled with the realization that my daughter was not getting better. I am in a much better place this year. I put the credit for that squarely at the feet of Jesus, who said;
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened,
and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me,
for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."
Matthew 11:28-29
Our sweet girl has changed our life, our family and our souls in ways we could not have imagined. Grace brings us so much happiness and so much sadness.
Some days I can look at her and all I think of how far she has come. How bright her smile is. How she seeks me out in a crowd. How she clings to me for comfort. How she will follow her brothers around. How she will say 'bye-bye' to me and Mark at home but not say it at school. How clear her eyes are at times.
And then some days, I look at her and all I can see is how far she has yet to go. How we don't have a diagnosis. How we don't really know what her voice sounds like. How she doesn't use her hands. How she does not eat solid food. How she has to be fed every.single.bite.of.food.every.single.meal. How when you look at her there is 'no one home'. How she goes to a school for significantly mentally and physcially disabled kids "just like her". How much like a baby she still is even though she is four years old. How she doesn't know that today is her birthday...
Last year, I was stuck in the list of how far she has yet to go. And in fact, we did not celebrate her birthday at all. I was too sad. Too obsessed with all the can't do's that I couldn't face celebrating her birthday while she looked at us with a blank expression on her face and no recognition in her eyes. And since she doesn't eat food, what's the point in a cake or cupcakes or anything really.
But this year is different. I am different. I am choosing to celebrate her birthday to acknowledge the day she came into the world. The day her birth mother gave birth to a completely normal, wonderful baby girl. I have decided that we are going to celebrate with brownies and candles and balloons. And even though Grace may not know why or what is even going on around her, I will know that I chose to celebrate my daughter and her life. And because, one of the scripture verses that I cling too and pray over Grace daily is;
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD,
“plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11
We believe that applies to us and Grace in a big way. So Happy Birthday Grace, mommy loves you more than you will ever know...
Sort of on a related/side note, I have recently started reading a wonderful blog by a great writer and mother of an unexpected special needs daughter named Kelle Hampton. Kelle's daughter Nella was born with Down Syndrome, and her recounting of the birth story had me in tears. It was her blog started me thinking that I wasn't doing enough to celebrate Grace and her birthday. Kelle's blog is called Enjoying the Small Things and she is celebrating her daughter's first birthday this week.
Monday, January 17, 2011
six years
This weekend we 'celebrated' John's 6th Homecoming Anniversary. I put celebrate in quotes because we don't have a party to celebrate it, it is more of a celebration in my heart. I remember the day six years ago clearly. We had a not so good adoption experience and a not so good pick up trip experience but all of that most of the details have blurred in my memory. However, the day we came home and brought him through immigration and the Agent at the gate said 'welcome home' is forever burned in my memory. I felt as if I could finally relax, I could finally take a deep breath, I could finally be a mom.
And so six years later, we have a day in which all the joy I have ever felt at becoming a mommy comes to the surface and I can't stop hugging and kissing this sweet boy.
He even played along when I asked him to hold up six fingers to signify the number of years he has been home (an idea Istole borrowed from Hannah).
I must admit that I did get a little sad when I realized how quickly six years had gone by. And then because I'm sad to think my kids would ever leave me and because my mind takes amazing leaps sometimes, I got upset to realize he would be gone in 12 years. My husband did not follow my rationale even after I told him that 6+6 was 12 and that was why I got upset. Okay, it was not the most logical argument I've ever made - but he did admit that the first six years had indeed flown by. And then we shared our sweet memories of John's first day home with each other and looked at pictures of how little he was and how young we were and I got emotional all over again...
And so six years later, we have a day in which all the joy I have ever felt at becoming a mommy comes to the surface and I can't stop hugging and kissing this sweet boy.
He even played along when I asked him to hold up six fingers to signify the number of years he has been home (an idea I
I must admit that I did get a little sad when I realized how quickly six years had gone by. And then because I'm sad to think my kids would ever leave me and because my mind takes amazing leaps sometimes, I got upset to realize he would be gone in 12 years. My husband did not follow my rationale even after I told him that 6+6 was 12 and that was why I got upset. Okay, it was not the most logical argument I've ever made - but he did admit that the first six years had indeed flown by. And then we shared our sweet memories of John's first day home with each other and looked at pictures of how little he was and how young we were and I got emotional all over again...
Friday, January 14, 2011
so much better today
My sweet girl is almost fully recovered from her sledding accident...
As you can see there is still some swelling of her upper lip and she has a small round circle 'cut' above her lip. But there is no bruising on her face, so it appears that she split her lip on the inside when she hit the fence. Her thumb is healing nicely and she even put it in the water during her bath last night (the bandage was still on but it got a lot of the dried blood off of the cut).
She even felt good enough to start her day with some yoga!
Happy Long Weekend to all. Mark is working both Saturday and Sunday but is off Monday. And it is Respite Night at our church, so we are going on a date Saturday night!! We are going to my favorite restaurant, The Farmhouse and we have gift cards from Christmas to use. I'm super excited about spending time with my sweetie.
We are still Praising God that our sweet girl wasn't hurt more... I'm linking this post to Nora's FFF link party. Go check out her blog and share some love!
As you can see there is still some swelling of her upper lip and she has a small round circle 'cut' above her lip. But there is no bruising on her face, so it appears that she split her lip on the inside when she hit the fence. Her thumb is healing nicely and she even put it in the water during her bath last night (the bandage was still on but it got a lot of the dried blood off of the cut).
She even felt good enough to start her day with some yoga!
Happy Long Weekend to all. Mark is working both Saturday and Sunday but is off Monday. And it is Respite Night at our church, so we are going on a date Saturday night!! We are going to my favorite restaurant, The Farmhouse and we have gift cards from Christmas to use. I'm super excited about spending time with my sweetie.
We are still Praising God that our sweet girl wasn't hurt more... I'm linking this post to Nora's FFF link party. Go check out her blog and share some love!
Thursday, January 13, 2011
grace's first time sledding
They predicted we would get between 4 and 8 inches of snow Tuesday night into Wednesday morning. And they were right, we got 6 inches. Of beautiful, puffy snow! The kids were all on a 2 hour delay from their schools, so we all slept in. Then the boys went out to play in the snow and help daddy shovel the driveway. Grace started fussing when she got left inside, so I bundled her up and she went out too.
This is such a change from last year. She spent about 30 minutes outside following Mark around while he shoveled. The boys played until it was time for John to go to school.
When John got home from school we went to the neighbor's backyard to sled with the other kids. This was the first time our kids had sledded and they all loved it. John was his usual cautious self at first but once he tried it he was unstoppable. Luke jumped right in with abandon and loved it. Grace was so excited to see all the kids flying down the little hill that we let her try it and she loved it.
The sled she was on, ran right into the fence. Oh yes she did! My poor sweet, doesn't use her hands, special needs baby girl sled right into a fence with the neighbor girl.
And the blood. Oh the blood. It was EVERYWHERE. Grace narrowly missed the wooden part of the fence and slid right under it into the wire part of the fence. We believe she hit her face on that, which caused her nose to bleed (a lot) and gave her a busted lip. She also, somehow, has a major cut on her thumb. She is missing skin from one side and the other side is a flap of skin, it bled a lot too.
I am praising God that 1) she did not hit the fence with her face, because that would have caused major damage and 2) that the neighbors we were with are all nurses. Seriously, we have a pediatric nurse, an ER nurse and a trauma floor nurse all on our cul-de-sac.
I will say that it was scary seeing the accident and not being able to get to her to stop it. When I got her off the sled she was screaming crying and bleeding everywhere. Thankfully the nurses stepped in and helped us get the blood flow from her nose to stop. Once it stopped, Grace stopped crying and started to calm down.
Mark came home and we were able to bandage her thumb. She ate her dinner, fat lip and all. So, thankfully (and I do not say that lightly) it was a minor accident. I could have been much, much worse.
This is such a change from last year. She spent about 30 minutes outside following Mark around while he shoveled. The boys played until it was time for John to go to school.
Grace enjoyed being outside so much. Here she is telling Mark how to shovel :)
Well, her first time anyway! Grace's second run down the hill may have been her last
The sled she was on, ran right into the fence. Oh yes she did! My poor sweet, doesn't use her hands, special needs baby girl sled right into a fence with the neighbor girl.
And the blood. Oh the blood. It was EVERYWHERE. Grace narrowly missed the wooden part of the fence and slid right under it into the wire part of the fence. We believe she hit her face on that, which caused her nose to bleed (a lot) and gave her a busted lip. She also, somehow, has a major cut on her thumb. She is missing skin from one side and the other side is a flap of skin, it bled a lot too.
I am praising God that 1) she did not hit the fence with her face, because that would have caused major damage and 2) that the neighbors we were with are all nurses. Seriously, we have a pediatric nurse, an ER nurse and a trauma floor nurse all on our cul-de-sac.
I will say that it was scary seeing the accident and not being able to get to her to stop it. When I got her off the sled she was screaming crying and bleeding everywhere. Thankfully the nurses stepped in and helped us get the blood flow from her nose to stop. Once it stopped, Grace stopped crying and started to calm down.
Mark came home and we were able to bandage her thumb. She ate her dinner, fat lip and all. So, thankfully (and I do not say that lightly) it was a minor accident. I could have been much, much worse.
Grace is doing SO much better today. Her face is still really swollen but she is eating normally and her hand is starting to heal. I was able to have 2 friends who are doctors look at her thumb and they both agreed it looked good.
Friday, January 7, 2011
early in the morning
I am slowly reviewing 2010 in my mind and heart. It was a year of refining, a year of growth, a year of healing, a year that was sometimes very painful and a year filled with a peace that passes all understanding. I am documenting lessons learned and lessons that God continues to have to teach me that I wish I could learn. I'm not sure I'm brave enough going to post the specifics here or if I will keep them private.
But one thing I did learn last year is that my days, and then by extension my family's days, are better when I start my day early in the morning with God. I had heard the Christian expression of "quiet time" for years but not really ever known what it meant. Until this year of refining by God. I learned that "all" it means is that you quiet yourself before God and spend some time with Him.
So, I tried it. Early in the morning before the house is awake; I like to sit in this chair, on my favorite quilt from Guatemala, drinking coffee from my favorite flowered mug and read my bible. The sun streams into the windows beautifully (or at least it did when I took these pictures in November) and there is a profound peace in the stillness.
I like to have a devotional to point me towards various verses or scriptures and one that I really like is called Jesus Calling. Here is the amazon link to a newer version that I was given for Christmas and it also includes a place for journalling on each day. Which I think will be really great so I have a record of what I was going through on that day the year before. Another book I am in the process of reading with a dear and trusted friend is called Sacred Rhythms, by Ruth Haley Barton. We have scheduled time every other week in the morning where we get together to review the chapter and honestly discuss where we are. We are hoping to get past chapter 1 this year. We have a lot to talk about in our lives so sometimes we don't get to the chapter discussions. But it is so great to have a trusted sister in Christ who can walk this journey with me.
Towards the end of the year, really from Thanksgiving through Christmas, I stopped being as dedicated with my quiet time. In fact, I stopped it all together. I would grab a few minutes during my day on my way to other things but I didn't start my day that way. And it showed. My life was disordered, my thoughts and days scattered, my emotions where up and down, my thoughts were not focused on God and others but on me, and as I result the end of the year was not smooth and peaceful. So one of my New Year's Resolutions is to get back to my quiet time.
From now on, this is where you can find me, early in the morning...
But one thing I did learn last year is that my days, and then by extension my family's days, are better when I start my day early in the morning with God. I had heard the Christian expression of "quiet time" for years but not really ever known what it meant. Until this year of refining by God. I learned that "all" it means is that you quiet yourself before God and spend some time with Him.
So, I tried it. Early in the morning before the house is awake; I like to sit in this chair, on my favorite quilt from Guatemala, drinking coffee from my favorite flowered mug and read my bible. The sun streams into the windows beautifully (or at least it did when I took these pictures in November) and there is a profound peace in the stillness.
I like to have a devotional to point me towards various verses or scriptures and one that I really like is called Jesus Calling. Here is the amazon link to a newer version that I was given for Christmas and it also includes a place for journalling on each day. Which I think will be really great so I have a record of what I was going through on that day the year before. Another book I am in the process of reading with a dear and trusted friend is called Sacred Rhythms, by Ruth Haley Barton. We have scheduled time every other week in the morning where we get together to review the chapter and honestly discuss where we are. We are hoping to get past chapter 1 this year. We have a lot to talk about in our lives so sometimes we don't get to the chapter discussions. But it is so great to have a trusted sister in Christ who can walk this journey with me.
Towards the end of the year, really from Thanksgiving through Christmas, I stopped being as dedicated with my quiet time. In fact, I stopped it all together. I would grab a few minutes during my day on my way to other things but I didn't start my day that way. And it showed. My life was disordered, my thoughts and days scattered, my emotions where up and down, my thoughts were not focused on God and others but on me, and as I result the end of the year was not smooth and peaceful. So one of my New Year's Resolutions is to get back to my quiet time.
From now on, this is where you can find me, early in the morning...
Thursday, January 6, 2011
random pictures
I sat down to do a wordless wednesday post just now and realized that it is actually thursday and has been all day. So instead I'm going to post some recent pictures of my kids and hopefully get the courage to post the other post I've been working on.
Here are some more pictures from Luke's birthday. I always do cupcakes for the kid's birthdays. Not only is it easier to make cupcakes than a whole cake but cupcakes allow everyone who wants to to blow out a candle.
Sometime Grace does things make me smile. One of those things is that she likes to take the couch cushions off the couch and walk around with them.
I really liked this picture of her. She was sitting in the playroom doorway using her hands to play with the cutting vegetables. Even though the sun is behind me and I'm sure it is all wrong from a professional photography standpoint, I just love the way the sun is hitting her face and the shadow behind her.
Another thing that Grace loves to do is walk across the couch. She climbs up and then walks back and forth, back and forth. And she squeals with joy while she is doing it. Here she is enjoying herself on the couch. I just love that smile.
It occurred to me recently that John hasn't gotten much face time on the blog recently. I'm not sure why I haven't taken his picture recently, it probably because he is in school full days now and so I spend less time with him than I do the other two. But here he is in all his cuteness!!
And that about wraps up my randomness for the day, Thursday that is not Wednesday!
Here are some more pictures from Luke's birthday. I always do cupcakes for the kid's birthdays. Not only is it easier to make cupcakes than a whole cake but cupcakes allow everyone who wants to to blow out a candle.
Sometime Grace does things make me smile. One of those things is that she likes to take the couch cushions off the couch and walk around with them.
Then she puts them on the floor and attacks them. It is funny to watch...
I really liked this picture of her. She was sitting in the playroom doorway using her hands to play with the cutting vegetables. Even though the sun is behind me and I'm sure it is all wrong from a professional photography standpoint, I just love the way the sun is hitting her face and the shadow behind her.
Another thing that Grace loves to do is walk across the couch. She climbs up and then walks back and forth, back and forth. And she squeals with joy while she is doing it. Here she is enjoying herself on the couch. I just love that smile.
It occurred to me recently that John hasn't gotten much face time on the blog recently. I'm not sure why I haven't taken his picture recently, it probably because he is in school full days now and so I spend less time with him than I do the other two. But here he is in all his cuteness!!
And that about wraps up my randomness for the day, Thursday that is not Wednesday!
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