happy birthday grace!

Today our sweet girl turns 4!!

Here she is posing in her super cute outfit from T@rget.  I love their clothes for girls.

It is hard to believe that another year has passed.  Last year her birthday was not a good day or week for me.  It came so close to her going to school and was filled with the realization that my daughter was not getting better.  I am in a much better place this year.  I put the credit for that squarely at the feet of Jesus, who said;

 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, 

and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, 

for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."

Matthew 11:28-29 

Our sweet girl has changed our life, our family and our souls in ways we could not have imagined.  Grace brings us so much happiness and so much sadness. 

Some days I can look at her and all I think of how far she has come.  How bright her smile is.  How she seeks me out in a crowd.  How she clings to me for comfort.  How she will follow her brothers around.  How she will say 'bye-bye' to me and Mark at home but not say it at school.  How clear her eyes are at times. 

And then some days, I look at her and all I can see is how far she has yet to go.  How we don't have a diagnosis.  How we don't really know what her voice sounds like.  How she doesn't use her hands.  How she does not eat solid food.  How she has to be fed every.single.bite.of.food.every.single.meal.  How when you look at her there is 'no one home'.  How she goes to a school for significantly mentally and physcially disabled kids "just like her".  How much like a baby she still is even though she is four years old.  How she doesn't know that today is her birthday...

Last year, I was stuck in the list of how far she has yet to go.  And in fact, we did not celebrate her birthday at all.  I was too sad.  Too obsessed with all the can't do's that I couldn't face celebrating her birthday while she looked at us with a blank expression on her face and no recognition in her eyes.  And since she doesn't eat food, what's the point in a cake or cupcakes or anything really.

But this year is different.  I am different.  I am choosing to celebrate her birthday to acknowledge the day she came into the world.  The day her birth mother gave birth to a completely normal, wonderful baby girl.  I have decided that we are going to celebrate with brownies and candles and balloons.  And even though Grace may not know why or what is even going on around her, I will know that I chose to celebrate my daughter and her life.  And because, one of the scripture verses that I cling too and pray over Grace daily is; 

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, 

“plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11

We believe that applies to us and Grace in a big way.  So Happy Birthday Grace, mommy loves you more than you will ever know...

Sort of on a related/side note, I have recently started reading a wonderful blog by a great writer and mother of an unexpected special needs daughter named Kelle Hampton.  Kelle's daughter Nella was born with Down Syndrome, and her recounting of the birth story had me in tears.  It was her blog started me thinking that I wasn't doing enough to celebrate Grace and her birthday.  Kelle's blog is called Enjoying the Small Things and she is celebrating her daughter's first birthday this week.