Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Discipline, Order and Control

I can't believe it is already the middle of October.  I am still struggling to find our new family rhythm now that school and all of our activities are in full swing.  I find myself falling further and further behind and feel as if the weeks are whizzing by me, it is much like the sensation of being on a merry-go-round.  It is as if I am in a constant race but there is no clear finish line.  This feeling is totally foreign to me.  Not that I have always been in control but I have always been able to live by a schedule and gotten into a grove that allowed me to function easily.  Even when we had 10 different hours of Early Intervention Therapy in the house weekly for Grace and Luke, I had a schedule and was able to keep some semblance of control up.

Well for some reason, maybe it is the fact that school and all of our other commitments started at the same time, I am unable to "get it together".  This unsettles me in my spirit.  And therefore, I start each day with the feeling that I am already behind, I am already unorganized and I am already out of control.  These feelings are very destructive, not to mention stress producing.  I think some of these feelings were caused by the fact that I kept our summer as schedule and routine free as possible.  After 3 full summers of therapy and being tied to the house every day for appointments, I let us enjoy the freedom of no plans or better yet, last minute plans.  I stopped planning our spontaneous fun and started living it.  The problem is that now that the kids are back in school (3 different schools with 3 different ways of transportation and 3 different hours) and we have evening and weekend commitments, we have to live by some sort of routine. 

As a result of these feelings and the stress they are not only causing me but my family, I blocked out some planning time.  In the time I have set aside, I am trying to put an order to my days on paper.  One way I have always felt better, is to have a schedule or a routine as a starting point and then tweak it until it becomes a livable system for me and my family.  Just blocking out this time, has allowed me to breathe.  I feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest and I can relax a little bit.  I have some more work to do before it becomes a schedule that will alleviate stress and bring order but it has definitely been a great start.  Oh discipline, order and control how I have missed you...


Gardenia said...

I too find that putting things on paper helps me immensely. something about getting a visual of everything eases the stress. I too was in a whirlwind from late august through september because of the change in routine and trying to transition to a new schedule with school etc. it's not been easy, but it is getting easier. hope you are working out the scheduling.

Linda said...

Oh, Anne- I can so relate! I only have one, but I feel like my life has become impossibly chaotic since kindergarten started! With school and my job, I just can't get into any kind of rhythm! I hope you can find something that works for you. I hate feeling so out of control!

Anna said...

I can relate to these feelings Anne and as much as we say we want a break from routine etc I find I do thrive on it...when I feel like its not there it does create stress. Hoping you will be able to find a good routine that works smoothly for your family.

Take care,