Grace has recently started to come up to Mark and I and give us hugs. This might seem like a minor thing for most children, but when she comes over to give me a hug with a big squeeze, I have to hold back the tears. My heart couldn't hold any more love for Grace than it does.
But that doesn't mean there aren't still days that I wonder what it would be like to have a typical 8 year old girl. That I don't long to have conversations with my daughter. That I don't want to hear her voice. That I don't start crying when she does because I just don't know why she's crying. I feel so helpless that I can't help her because she doesn't have the ability to let us know what has upset her.
My wishing and longing are hard feelings to have. I have done a lot of reading on grief and I know that I will likely grieve in small (and big) ways for the rest of my life with Grace. Some days I am more okay with that than others. But through all these feelings, I'm so thankful that God placed Grace in our lives and allows me to be her mom. I get to glimpse a little bit of heaven every time Grace looks me in the eye and smiles.
Happy Family Day Grace! We love you more than you will ever know...